I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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