i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
