Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
