a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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