her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
