chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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