You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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