we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
