Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
