is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
