My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dignity is for republicans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
