my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
