i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
