I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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