I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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