So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
