So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am available for nakedness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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