so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
