So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
