Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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