here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
