thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
