i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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