I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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