Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
