it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
