oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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