I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Be still, my beating vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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