Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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