Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
