my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
