Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
