you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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