So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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