Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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