I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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