i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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