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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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