Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
