She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
