dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
