I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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