You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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