Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
