so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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