I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How external is "for external use only"?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
