Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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