I think my fart just growled at me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
