It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What a dumb baby whore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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