I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
