Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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