can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
