so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
