She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
