11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
