its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
