Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
