Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ttyl tear gas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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