some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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