somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
