I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
