Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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